Self Esteem - What Would It be Like to Really Love Myself?
Posted by admin at 08:53 | Filed In Build Self Esteem
The love of my life.
Recently a few friends were talking about marriage, and I heard myself saying, I had married myself a few years ago. I surprised myself when I said it, as I didnt really have a ceremony as such, but it did dawn on me that in a subtle way and over a period of time, I had in fact had a Commitment Ceremony with Myself.
They were intrigued with my statement, and before I knew it, I was explaining that, like most people, I had longed for a partnership with that one special person, and all that that involved. I had in my mind my list of what I needed and wanted, and another list of all my disappointments and heartbreaks. Lists filled with dreams, hopes and cynicisms. The perfect person, the perfect relationship and my perfect life played in and out of my daydreams for many years.
I thought about the weddings that I had attended, and the vows that people make and wondered what the probability was that someone could indeed fulfil those promises. To love, honour and cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, for better or worst. To be faithful and keep themselves only for the other. For God to approve the union and a warning that no man can put asunder. Its interesting that we all believe to some degree that there really is a person who can love, honour and cherish us all the days of our lives. Interesting, mostly because it probably never occurs to us that we are incapable of loving, honouring and cherishing ourselves all the days of our lives. It is somewhat amazing to consider that we can stand before God fully believing we are capable of loving someone else like that, and offering up our full and heart felt commitment. Its even more amazing that we really do believe that someone has the capacity to fulfil that commitment.
In the early days of reinventing myself, I had to get totally honest with myself as I explored the many facades, illusions and erroneous beliefs that I had about myself. I also had to get very clear about the difference between what I wanted, as opposed to what I thought I wanted. I needed to set clear goals, and I needed to dump a lot of baggage. Ultimately, I needed to not only know myself, but above all I needed to like myself.
It takes time, it takes attention and it takes determination. I actually got to a stage where I not only achieved this, but I also considered that I could even push it further and explored the possibility of Loving Myself. No, I do not mean arrogance, vanity, self-centeredness or selfishness (those things are insecurities dressed up as self-confidence).
My concept of marrying myself is about commitment; making promises and committing to pay attention to living those vows on a daily basis. Initially, when I decided to make changes in my life, I wanted to improve my health and energy levels. On achieving this, I then decided to actively pursue well-being on all levels: creativity, financial and business success, improved relationships and a beautiful peaceful home life.
In bringing this all about, I also made drastic changes in letting go of things that impeded or prevented my success. Once these things were put into place, the easier it all became. The better I felt, the more I could add to my list of what I needed and wanted, and the easier it became to achieve those goals. As my self-confidence and self-respect grew, my list of obstacles became much easier to deal with.
Respect and Self Esteem
As a child, I was taught that it was selfish or bad manners to put my needs before the needs of others. It was vain to think that I was anything special, and speaking about my achievements was considered to be bragging. Pleasing other people suggested that I was kind and likable, so I learned very early in life to detach myself from myself. I grew up feeling guilty if I thought that I had something that someone else didnt have. I cant remember leaving food on a plate without feeling guilty about the starving children in India. Although I really do believe that it is important to be considerate and humble, I do not believe that this requires us to be disrespectful to ourselves.
Somehow the good intention of learning to be kind, considerate and fair has become jumbled in our brains. Many of us have interpreted these good teachings to mean that other people are more important than we are, our opinion is less valued than the opinions of others or quite simply that we have been programmed to believe that we are less and our lives are less. The result of such thinking leads to a lack of self-respect and low self-esteem.
Some people live their lives like they are assistants to other people. Many people have fantastic opportunities presented, but they just cant recognize or accept them. How often do amazingly brilliant or talented people never get to show the world their work? How common is it to be capable of loving someone, but not ever experience being loved in return?
Low self-esteem or lack of self-respect serves no purpose. Putting yourself last, having the least amount, keeping your ideas quiet or making yourself Small in any way, serve no purpose.
The smaller you allow yourself to become, the less you will have to contribute to anyone else. So, forget the Im kind, humble, considerate and fair image you are giving yourself as its easy to be generous when you have little to offer. Lack of self-respect is nothing more than stifling your own spirit.
No matter how much we focus on our physical reality, it is almost impossible to ignore the spiritual aspect of being. Yes, we are all spiritual beings here on the planet Earth, and we are all having a physical experience. However, the spirit within is constantly whispering and it is always calling for us to honour our place on the Earth and to honour our own existence. Low self-esteem is an insult to this great gift of life that we each have been given. It is a unique and individual journey. No one is here to experience someone elses life; you can support and assist others, but you do not sacrifice your life to live for others.
I have made a point about self-esteem and self-respect, as I believe it is impossible to be happy if we do not have respect for ourselves. Self-confidence is not about who you were or who you will be, it is about being comfortable within your own skin, and placing great value on your own existence regardless of who or where you are.
If I were willing to commit to myself the way two lovers commit in marriage, then my vows would probably be:
I (name) promise myself to honour and give gratitude for the privilege of having this life. I will view my existence as my most precious and valued gift, and I will endeavour to add my unique qualities to this process.
My intention for this journey is to accept love, happiness and peace within each day.
I will operate from a place of respect and honesty with others and myself, and I will be genuine and thoughtful within my actions.
Because I love, honour and respect myself I consciously allow my heart to reach out and fill others.
I (name) vow today to fill my body with all that promotes health and vitality.
I will commit to myself to treat my body as my most sacred temple.
I will fill my mind with and maintain thoughts that inspire creativity, wisdom and knowledge and optimism.
I will speak of health, wealth and happiness and share such words with all I meet.
Good fortune, success, prosperity and exciting opportunities will be embraced and received fully.
I will actively pursue quality relationships, enjoyable work and stimulating experiences.
I will be kind and gentle with myself, and allow myself to relax and be peaceful.
I will seek pleasure and excellence in my work as well as my play.
Today I make my pledge to myself, and in my heart I will carry forward my commitment throughout all the days of my life.
Today I make my pledge to myself, and in my heart I will carry forward all that I am and all that I will become to add to this world my best in all things.
Copyright Sonya Green
www.reinventingmyself.com
Sonya Green Australian writer and personal development course facilitator. webmaster of http://www.reinventingmyself.com and meditation script writer and producer.
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